She Wears A Halo, Part two: Santana Duena Lopez
by detourtoarizona
Summary: Part two delves into the world of Santana, a girl who likes when she is in control and those around her stick to the plan, but everyone knows even the best of plans can fall apart.


Santana Duena Lopez was a person to do what needed to be done no matter the cost. Her father had raised her with the belief that if you want something done you can't wait on others to do it for you. She had a passionate heart that made her fight each battle with everything she had. She was strong, independent and outspoken. She had a reputation of what most would call a bitch and it never bothered Santana to know most thought of her in that light. She thought of herself as a person who never let anyone get to her, never let anyone come between where she was and where she needed to go, until the night of August, 27th, 2009.

A few beers in on the hot summer's night and she was beginning to feel pretty good except for the nagging fact in the back of her mind that she had Algebra test on Monday. She felt the blonde's hand reach out, searching for her own as they lay under the stars in the Latina's backyard. She automatically reached up and took the other girls hand, intertwining their fingers and letting out a content sigh. If anyone was to ask, her weekend was spent with Puck in his basement with an array of alcohol and lots of sex induced sweat. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy Puck's "company" she just enjoyed being around her best friend more and for some reason as that realization hit her, she became scared. Santana Duena Lopez was known as the biggest bitch to anyone you would ask, but to the blonde laying next to her on the grass that hot summer night, she was Santana Duena Lopez, the best friend a girl could ask for.

The date is September 25th, 2009 and Santana Duena Lopez is lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling. The fan on her desk blows a nice soft breeze against her skin and dries the tears that have ever so gracefully slid down her cheeks. She rarely cries, She rarely lets herself get caught up in self pity because really, what is the use? Why sit around crying and feeling bad about things when you could be out there fixing them. All her life she has never stopped, Santana Duena Lopez has never taken the time to sit back and actually think about her life, she is always too busy living it. So now, on this late summer afternoon as she lies in her bed, cheerios uniform still on, hair still up in a perfect cheerios pony tail, she finally just lets herself cry. It is a magnitude of things that make her finally reach this point, breaking up with Puck, getting in trouble with Sue for not keeping her eyes on the prize when it comes to the glee club, her father's job loss, her older brother's car accident, but mostly it is one thing. If Santana is going to be truthful to herself, the tears fall for one thing and one thing only, except it isn't a thing, no, it is a person.

There is a knock on her bedroom door and Santana jumps up into a sitting position, quickly wiping away what is left of her tears with the back of her hand. She hears her older brother's voice call out, telling her that dinner is ready and that she has five minutes to get down stairs before he eats her share. As she reaches over and turns the fan off, she immediately misses the breeze because now there is nothing there to dry the fresh set of tears that begin to fall. When she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in she is not surprised to see her best friends face consume her thoughts.

Santana Duena Lopez is beautiful in every aspect of the word and a day doesn't go by without someone reminding her of that. Santana Duena Lopez grew up with a hard working father who did his best to give her everything she needed and she grew up with a stay at home mother who made her only daughter feel like an angel. Santana Duena Lopez enjoys having boys of all ages fawn over her and hit on her as she walks down the halls of WMHS with her head held high. Santana Duena Lopez is the last girl in her hometown of Lima, Ohio that you would believe is gay.

Her cheerios uniform is dropped to the ground, a puddle around her feet, as she slips into her dark wash skinny jeans and red WMHS tee-shirt. She pulls her hair free of perfectly placed pony tail, shaking her hair and feeling as if a weight is instantly lifted off her shoulders. Santana would never tell anyone this, but the only reason that she is a cheerio is because of one, Brittany Susan Pierce. So as she glances in the full length mirror that hangs on the back of the door, she can't help but wonder how much more of what she does in her life is because of Brittany. In that moment she begins to worry that if she didn't have Brittany, she wouldn't have a clue who she even was. Ever since she was little she has felt the need to protect those closest to her with a force so strong no person could even come close to matching. She protected the ones she loved with everything she had because if she wasn't the one to protect them, then who would?

She had a plan, a real written in ink plan. Her and Quinn had sat down one night in eighth grade and written out a plan for the next four years of their lives. Most of the plan revolved around what Santana had come to refer to as the High School Hierarchy. The whole system didn't make much sense to Quinn, who believe that they should just be themselves and do what they loved. So when she asked Santana why they needed to follow such a difficult and complex plan, the Latina simply shrugged and replied

"Because without it we will get lost, and getting lost is the worst thing that can happen because it's just me, you and Britt and if we are all lost, who will find us?"

From that moment on Quinn had studied the plan until she knew it like her favorite bible verses. By the time ninth grade had come around they had set the plan into motion and when Quinn instantly began to see the benefits from such, she believed Santana was one of the smartest people she had ever got the pleasure of befriending. Brittany on the other hand needed more coaching, she needed someone to help her and hold her hand. Santana, being the protective person she is, naturally took on the extra roll of being by Brittany's side as much as possible. So now as she stands in her bedroom looking at herself in the mirror, she can't help but think who she would be without Brittany, without Quinn and without their perfectly crafted plan.

"You food is gonna be gone in two point five seconds if you don't get your skinny ass down here" Her brother's voice shakes her out of her thoughts as she runs her hand through her hair and with a reassuring nod of her head, opens the door and makes her way downstairs.

The table is quiet except for the sound of forks against plates and mouths chomping away at food. She lets out a loud sigh and sits back in her chair more, watching the scene around her. Her family has never been one to make light chit chat, probably one of the reasons Santana never sees it necessary to make small talk with those at school. She looks down at her plate, peas pushed to one side, potatoes piled high with fork marks and a piece of steak that has been cooked just a tad too long. As her mind begins to wander and think of what she and Brittany had been doing just hours before, she suddenly doesn't feel all that hungry.

"Mija, honey, eat" Her mother's words are firm, yet loving as she looks up from her glass of iced tea.

"I feel odd" She says out of nowhere and it doesn't even feel like it was her that spoke those words.

"Are you sick?" Her father asks as he cuts into his steak.

"Mono" Her older brother pipes up as he raises his glass to her before taking a swig.

"Shut up, Javier!" Santana shouts at her brother from across the table.

"Enough, you two" Mrs. Lopez's voice is raised as she sets down her glass. "What is wrong, Santana?" She asks and her voice is much softer.

"I broke up with Puck" She pauses for a moment as her stomach turns. "I don't like him anymore, at least not in a more than friends sort of way, in fact, I don't really find any boys at school very attractive"

"Give it time, mija, your heart is hurting, that is all" Her mother's words make her angry and she is not sure why.

"No" Santana shakes her head before pushing her plate away from her. "I'm going back up to my room, I need to rest" She gets up from her chair, quickly making her way away from the table.

Her mother was right though, her heart is hurting, but it wasn't over Puck. It wasn't over any of the boys at school for that matter. She shuts the door behind her and leans up against it, without looking she reaches out and presses play on her iPod that is hooked up to the speakers on her dresser. As the sounds of heavy drums begin to play she once again lets herself cry. She doesn't want to feel this way; she doesn't want to be like this because it isn't part of the plan. Santana Duena Lopez always has things under control, always is the one that is a rock in any situation, but tonight as she slides down the back of her door and tears roll down her cheeks, she begins to realize that even the most perfect plan can come crashing down at the drop of a hat.

Santana is on Quinn's floor staring down at the positive pregnancy test right by her knees. The only thing running through her mind is how this could happen and why she wasn't able to stop it. She had known Quinn since she moved here in the fourth grade, she had known Quinn like she knew her favorite song lyrics and she knew the Quinn would never let something like this happen or at least she had thought so.

The next thing she knew Quinn was accusing her of being selfish and only caring about her reputation. Santana Duena Lopez was not one to lose her temper, but if there was something she was not happy with, she was sure as hell going to let it be known. On the other side of the spectrum though, if there was something that made her happy, she would go after it with all of her heart and never give up. Santana was also a girl who would rarely let others believe this about her. So on that Saturday afternoon when Quinn became enraged with the fact that she was only thinking about herself as tears slide down her cheeks when she saw the pregnancy test, she let the other girl believe it was true.

As she informs Quinn that she fights everyday tooth and nail for not only her reputation but those of her two best friends, she can't help but feel a sense of guilt wash over her. She was not crying over some stupid plan they had made almost three years ago, she was not crying because she was worried her reputation was going to be screwed and she was certainly not crying because of her own selfishness. She may be a girl who tells people exactly what she's thinking, she may be a girl who does whatever it takes to get to where she needs to be and she may be a girl to which every one refers to as the bitch but Santana Duena Lopez cries when her friends are hurt, just like any other person.

What Santana really wanted to tell Quinn on that Saturday afternoon was that she felt horrible guilt for not being there to stop her. That she felt horrible guilt that she could not stop this from happening and wasn't there to protect her. Santana is only happy when things fall into place and she feels like she is in charge, Santana is only happy when the people she love are happy as well and when these things are taken away from her, well, Santana begins to slowly unravel.

It is the morning of October, 5th and Santana is smiling down at a sleeping Brittany. They lay in her bed with only a sheet protecting them from the realness of the world going on around them. Her parents are away on a trip to visit her aunt down south and her brother is away at college. The whole house to herself for a week and she has spent most of it huddled away in bed with Brittany.

"What are we doing Britt?" Santana watches as Brittany's eyes slowly flutter open.

"Sleeping, silly" Brittany looks up at her and grins.

"No, like, what are we?" Santana props herself up on her elbow and watches as Brittany does the same.

"You are Santana and I am Brittany, we are best friends who go to WMHS, we are Cheerios and a part of the Glee club" Brittany smiles again and Santana can't help but lean forward and place a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"We just had sex, for the second time, best friends don't have sex" Santana watches as Brittany furrows her brows together in thought.

"But sex isn't dating, so if we aren't dating and we aren't best friends, what is left?" She can see the hurt suddenly consume Brittany's baby blue eyes.

"Exactly, there is nothing left, everything is falling apart" Santana sits up and pulls her legs up close to her body.

"What do you mean?" Brittany reaches out to place her hand on Santana's shoulder, but the Latina just shrugs it away.

"Everything is falling apart, the stupid fucking plan isn't going to work anymore, and I can't help us anymore, I can't do anything about it" Santana Duena Lopez is one to rarely feel hopeless, but in that moment she feels exactly that.

"You are yelling at me" Brittany's voice is quiet and Santana turns her head around to look at her.

"Sorry, Britt, I wasn't yelling at you, I was just… yelling in general" Santana lets out a frustrated sigh.

"I still study the plan" Brittany speaks up after a moment of silence. "Every night before bed I go over the copy you gave me and I read it the best that I can" Brittany's eyes cast downwards and she begins to play with a lose thread in the sheets.

"Throw it away" Santana says, anger quickly building inside of her. "Throw it away and forget about it, the plan was put in place to keep you and Quinn safe, to keep you both protected for the hell hole known as WMHS, it clearly hasn't worked, so throw it away" Santana's words are harsh.

Santana hasn't dated or even gone out with a boy in months. Her mother and father continue to ask her questions and her answer is always something pertaining to none that interest her, or too busy with Cheerios and Glee but the truth is there is only one person she wants to date. As she walks down the hall and passes Quinn in her baby doll dresses and braided hair she sees a different light surrounding the girl. She sees that she has changed so much in such a short amount of time and it brings a slight smile to Santana's face. They live in two separate worlds now and in order to keep Brittany safe, she must stick to her world and leave Quinn on the outside. Many people call Santana Duena Lopez a bitch, many people call her selfish and heartless but the truth is Santana is the very opposite of that. Santana loves the people around her so much that sometimes it hurts. Santana fights for the people she loves so much that she forgets about the consequences that it may bring. Santana does in fact care about her reputation, but she cares about Brittany and Quinn's even more, so when she sees Quinn smile and laugh with Mercedes she knows she will be ok, she had to let Quinn go because it is what the blonde needed. When she looks over to Brittany who is at her side, pinkies locked together and pony tails swinging back and forth, she knows that she must keep up the façade of Santana the ice queen because if she didn't this school would swallow Brittany whole.

She will go on pretending that she is happy to be with a different guy every other weekend, she will go on pretending that she doesn't care what others think about her and she will go on pretending that she only cares about herself and making her way to the top. She will go on pretending all of this because it is the only thing left in her life that she has control over. She has control over the reputation that she has put in place since the moment she stepped into the doors of WMHS.

She sits down one night on her bed, laptop in front of her and begins to write an email to Quinn Celeste Fabray. She will write a long note on what she really believes and thinks about the plan they had constructed when they were thirteen. She will tell her friend that she fought for her but has come to realize that Quinn can fight for herself. She will tell her that all she ever wanted to do was protect her but by doing so she had kept her from realizing that happiness can come from things other than being popular. She will tell Quinn that even though they may fight like it is world war three and toss words around so carelessly like they don't even mean a thing, she loves her; she loves her so much that she has learned to finally let her go. She will also tell her friend that she is gay because she knows even though Quinn is a person of faith, she will still love Santana. Quinn will take that secret and cradle it in her arms knowing that it took everything Santana had just to let that be known about her. She saves the email, but never sends it.

It is hard when people place you on a pedestal, but it is even harder when you place yourself on one.

She looks over to Brittany as they sit in the waiting room of the hospital, nine months ago she had discovered Quinn Celeste Fabray was pregnant, nine months ago she was the hot sexy cheerleader every boy at school wanted, nine months ago she was the perfect angel in her parents eyes, nine months ago she was in love with her best friend and as she feels Brittany's hand in her own, she knows that at least that part is still true.

"I love you" Santana leans over and whispers softly into the blonde's ear.

"I love you, too" Brittany beams back at her, her eyes sparkle with happiness.

When she gets home that night after a long emotion filled day the first thing she does is turn on her laptop and send Quinn the email she wrote months ago. Hitting the send button has been the single most freeing thing she has felt since entering WMHS.

The plan may have words scratched out, lines drawn through sentences and pages ripped out, but it is still there, it is still sitting underneath Santana's bed and just like Brittany she goes over it every night. She goes over it and studies it because even though the plan has changed, it is still present in her life. The plan gives her hope because the very last line written on the very last page is something she knows will happen no matter what.

"Quinn Celeste Fabray, Brittany Susan Pierce and Santana Duena Lopez will always be friends no matter what. They will always be there for each other and will always go for what they believe should be theirs. They will never stop being people who fight for what they believe in and not stop when others around them think they cannot do something"

Santana Duena Lopez is a lot of different things to a lot of different people. To most at school she is a bitch, to her parents she is the angel with the lopsided halo, to Quinn she is the girl who protected her when she needed it and to Brittany she is the love of her life. Santana isn't sure exactly who she is, for she is still trying to figure that out herself.


End file.
